Democrats upset at alteration of time

    (Satire – 2020) Prominent Democrats have joined in their condemnation of the White House, over its projected plan to alter the nation’s timekeeping just two days before the presidential election on November 3.


    “This is a horrible plan,” a pivotal member of the house stated. “Forcing hard-working people, many of them struggling to feed their families, to adjust their clocks backwards a full hour in the midst of the most important election in this country’s history, flies in the face of decency.”
    “This is an unprecedented step,” added a leading senator. “And it shows just how incompetent this president is. Just last March, in the middle of a pandemic, he ordered all of the clocks set forward one hour. He’s incapable of making up his mind.”
    A noted progressive member of Congress expanded the criticism to the president’s entire party. “Republicans have always wanted to set the clock back, and now, thanks to this racist, misogynist president, they finally have the chance. There’s nothing they won’t stoop to.”
    A well-known independent senator added, “This unfair edict amounts to a Daylight Savings for the very wealthy. Millionaires and billionaires—Oh, wait—billionaires don’t need an extra hour when poor people are struggling to pay their bills. We need a more fair and equitable distribution of time.”
    The governor of California announced a commission to study time reparations, citing studies which indicate that time changes impose disproportionately negative effects on minority communities.
    In protest of this draconian measure, New York’s governor has ordered all clocks in his state to be stopped for one full hour.
Lanin Thomasma
Steelville